Me When I Accepted the Call to Ministry:

I think it was like 2023-2024ish because I've pretty much blocked those years out but still remember this moment in time with a great deal of clarity. I had reached a flow state of learning about God (in three persons).

Cue the hymn. (The Hymn in Question)

The weekend was long, good, and bad. Like I was really irritated with some of my friends, but also developed deeper relationships with some others. One moment that I will NEVER FORGET is doing praise and worship with my dear friend Marven because the girl on the mic sounded angelic and our voices rose together to harmonize with her in worship and like.. that's what it's all about to me esp. as someone who loves singing in the car..

Then long, because it was just a lot going on that kept me from going to like THEE most impactful sermon of the weekend; granted, I probably didn't need that one as much as I needed the others but who can really say, because when I tell you God was changing me through each session, I mean that.

First night, I'm going to altar call, which to me isn't a huge deal because if I feel led I'mma answer the call and if I don't, I wont; it's pretty simple to me lol. But putting myself in the shoes of my younger self, an alter call feels kind of intense and not in the thrilling exciting way. I think that night it was just to receive prayer.

The next morning, the message was about ministry and and we were shown a map of the whole continent and were asked to meditate on it and ask God if there is a specific region/country/place that we wants us to minister to... and honestly, I wasn't moved towards one country over any other so, it tracks because God showed me a vision of the community he wants me to impact... I need to tell that story someday!

But also, in my mind, at this time I dont even know what ministry even means frfr. Until later when I went to the session that birthed my Relational Health article.

{TLDR: I was like 'oh, so basically, those peers we have who like –are good people, no doubt about that, but could use some support growing in area(s) that we may be a bit more adept in. So doing that well, and leading people closer to Christ = ministry. cute! love that." }

But that was NOT me accepting the call. No, that was later that evening.

So yea, boomskies! Later that evening, we have church and I can't even tell you what the message was about frfr off the top of my head but I do remember enjoying it and I think it's on Youtube... so if you wanna watch that I'll pin it here

But afterwards, we enter into this guided meditation and I was reallllllllllllllllllllllly into it. Like yes, all of those L's were necessary. Like I was overly into it; it felt like I was aligned as one with the intentions set for that meditation so lemme recount it for y'all.

Dude -wish I knew his name- had a video playing of waves in the ocean, I dont know if they were on loop or if this was just one long video, but he's describing the function of the wave, how God sends a wind over the water to move it in a direction, and how the ripple effect pushes more waves forward; the demonstration was emblematic of how God moves us directly, and that momentum moves the people we touch. Cue the best Disney Channel Circle of Stars to ever be made: 🎶Shine a light and send it onnnnnnn (ok lol)

With that video playing, I could truly understand the importance of being available to press forward the moves God makes over my life. One wave eventually became 5 smaller waves, and their weakness was not seen as a weakness in itself.. it was powerful because it did not stop. It was literally like physics or something idk… The momentum was reaching places farther and wider and that felt powerful to me.

That was almost three years ago and to this day, whenever I sit by a still body of water -even without intention, that message always gets reinforced.

So, I didn't know another altar call was coming ngl, but I was already spiritually in-agreement, I'd already accepted the call in my heart. Like I knew this was my duty, and still recognize it as such tbh. I think a part of me cringed bc my friends were probably thinking I'm going up to every alter call for the plot lol. AND WASN'T! I was genuinely moved each time and I don't recall hesitating because I was genuinely on that timing!

Honestly, the meditation was so good, I was surprised A LOT more people didn't take the first opportunity to step up. I think a lot of people were prepared for there to be a call to ministry but didn’t recognize at first that this was it, once it was made clear, we were soon joined by dozens more but I had already blacked out by that point because the conversation got way serious as soon as the first handful of us went to the front.

I was like oh, um, maybe idk what I just agreed to hahaha.

They were like okay, bet, got 'em! Wholeheartedly characteristic of fishers –who just caught a good first batch in the net LOL. So yeah, no, I truly did black out and I just remember them discussing taking us to another room to talk about next steps.

And to the next room we went, and I find it beautiful how God was using this moment to move all of us in individual ways. I told y'all how I reached the conviction, but hearing the story of what moved my friends was so interesting and it has been so beautiful to see how they walk in it,

But this meeting that we got diverted to, made it clear that we were accepting the call to become ministers on college campuses.. to which I was like… oh?

I really had to wrestle-with and question my ego in that idea because God had given me a literal vision years ago and has had it on my heart forever to serve in every space he’s placed me inn coupled with growing through The Nehemiah Institute as a PharmD Candidate, it had been clear to me to minister though my work, through serving my family, through serving my neighbors and some of them might be at/from the school but I just did not feel called to be a campus minister at FAMU.

Maybe I should have done it anyway! But I will say since then, I have made significant strides to serve in the ways that I felt called to do. There are moments in work where I get to love and encourge my patients and the more my heart is marinating on the things of God, the more His glory gets to be made clear in all of those moments. I’ve gotten to experience patients feeling moved and welcomed to call the pharmacy early in the morning to say the Lord's Prayer and remind us to put on the armor of God! Like what?! How amazing. Also have had the opportunity to spearhead organizing the church program for my family reunions for the past two years and this year we had several family members open up to receive prayer!! (Including me, our message was special)

I’d love to talk more about my journey and the convictions that come with being a vessel sometime, because I feel more focused and devoted than ever. I'm 90% sure my family thinks I'm spiritually homeless, bc I currently have no church home, yet I don't know if I've ever been so focused on God in my life. Honestly, by metrics, this has probably not been the best year of my life so far, but it lowkey feels like it. I hope that's not just my antidepressants talking though lol.

Until next time!

Kabes

post scriptum thoughts:

|One of my famu freshman classmates shared her story recently and it made me so happy to hear how her life is changing for the better but like the best part about it to her was that she doesn’t carry the weight of feeling far from God and I feel that so much like the past few years have been outrageously challenging and simply rewarding and fulfilling.

|This winter/spring, I played through Final Fantasy 1 and ‘the light of the crystals have restored the forces’ has become one of my mental stims as I’ve been watching different things return to balance and tranquility after nonstop chaos lol.